Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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