he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
