how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
