he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
