why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
