i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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