well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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