i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
