porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
