The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Holy shit dude........stairs
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
PANTIES FOUND
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
