Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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