And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
