Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
