Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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