God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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