Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
