yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
