I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
