The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
