just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
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He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
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Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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