don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
smell my finger.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
