grandma shit on top of the toilet
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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