It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
