I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
