Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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