Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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