No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
