Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
