Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
