Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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