how can u be prego again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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