Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
