the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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