I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we're making bets on your personal life
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
