whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
