There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
