I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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