i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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