On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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