Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
