had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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