when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize