you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Less talking, more tequila
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
