Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
