I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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