TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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