I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
