Well apparently he's into motor boating.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
