uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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