i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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