I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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