Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
