if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
