did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
