I showed him my bush... on skype.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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