I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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