love makes seman taste better
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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