Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
