I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
