You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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