just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
