whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
