The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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