you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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