I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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