did you get engaged???
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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