I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
