he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
