some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
