I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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