I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
