is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
